....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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