So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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