I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
