Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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