Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
