Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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