what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Randomize
