it hurts more in the daytime
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
