My boss' voice literally gives me gas
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
organizing the empties. That sober.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
