he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
