watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
