i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Less talking, more tequila
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize
