did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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