I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
