i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
