Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
