Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
