Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
