I want to have your abortion
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
