Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
