Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I need a beard to bite.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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