I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
