those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Drake has all the answers
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Randomize
