So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize