I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
