God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
this hospital has no fireball
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
