You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
