If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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