If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
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