Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
