I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
