You can't motorboat a personality
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
