I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
