I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
