last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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