Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
