dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I cockslap morals
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
