are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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