i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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