my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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