Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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