The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
