Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
