is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
