Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
