There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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