he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize