I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Randomize
