I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
