yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Randomize
