I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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