She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Randomize
