i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
