When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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