Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
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