he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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