did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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