i always forget guys have bellybuttons
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
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