whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
