i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
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