paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
