Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize