We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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