I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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