I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
