Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
