I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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