My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
