I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
