I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
