The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
